Monologues for Grade 9/10

from the tv show “Seinfeld”)

Girls:

Mary:  Remember me?

Mary Contardi.  No?  Doesn’t ring a bell, Jerry?  We had a date, three years ago.  You took me to one of your shows.  Told me you had a great time!  Said you’d call me the next day.

Liar!  Liar!  You were never going to call me!  You thought you could waltz through the rest of your life and never bump into me again!  But you were wrong, Jerry!  You were wrong!  What do you think, I’m some sort of poor pathetic wretch?  Some person who could be dismissed and ignored?  Some insignificant piece of dust?  Some person who doesn’t deserve your respect and your attention?  You’re the one that doesn’t deserve my respect and my attention!  You’re the insignificant piece of dust!

Boys:

So, you remember I made the initial call on Sunday.  She doesn’t call back.  I call again Monday.  I leave another message.  I call Tuesday.  I get the machine again, “I know you’re there, I don’t know what your story is.”  Yesterday, I’m a volcano.  I try one more call, the machine comes on and I let fly like Mussonlini from the balcony.  “Where the hell do you get the nerve?  You invite me up for coffee and then you don’t call me back for four days?  I don’t like coffee!  I don’t have to come up!  I’d like to get one more shot at the coffee just so I can spit it in your face!” 

I lost it.

All:  I didn't know she had a pony.  How was I to know she had a pony?  Who figures an immigrant's going to have a pony?  Do you know what th odds are on that?  I mean in all the pictures I saw of immigrants on boats coming into New York harbor, I never saw one of them sitting on a pony.  Why would anybody come here if they had a pony?  Who leaves a country packed with ponies to come to a non-pony country?  It doesn't make sense . . . Am I wrong?